Jul. 22nd, 2012

demacrux: (Default)
 ..Just a little tired today. Went to church with my family for my great grandma's birthday..and it was just so long as always. So much singing from the childrens choir that were okay at best. And the sermon was long and repetitive and nothing I hadn't heard before. And it was so loud, I couldn't help but think that was the reason there were so many old folks there just so they could hear clearly. Like outside my cousins and the children's choir, there were literally no younger people there. It was ridiculous. And it's just, I had to go to another place when they did the prayer thing and say something else instead of amen because I just follow a different and not all together serious faith than that of my entire family. Goodness, I just felt so isolated in that environment.. it tired me out definitely. 

And it really didn't help my mother kept telling me that "I'm a girl" knowing full well I don't identify as that. I am well aware of my physical body. I am well-aware of how I will be seen my society and I'm relatively okay with that. But don't you fucking dare try to dismiss my thoughts about myself if they don't line up with how you see me..as forever a girl. Fuck you. I really do need to get out of here since these folk will never even try to understand me. And there is so much I would never tell them..not about the android thing, or the "friend" that likes to write posts thing. Nothing, since it'll simply be never comprehended in the remotest. Not even what faith I've been leaning towards these days.  Just ugh no. Not entrusting these people with this information. 

There was a trip to the buffet though. It was noisy and crowded and gross so I dont know what I can say about that. The food was okay but definitely not worth the unpleasant atmosphere on a whole. I mean who's idea was it to go to such a crowded buffet on a bleeding Sunday of all days. -sigh -  it's just one of those days, where there's a lot on the mind and I just need to find a reason to laugh or something.

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