Aug. 15th, 2012

demacrux: (Default)
 The sun enters the windows and I am barely awake. I don't know what I was doing when I remember that I'm in class. In class, and my classmates are staring at me. I end up staring back before facing the teacher. "Where did you get off to, daydreaming again?" I can't accurately answer the question I don't feeling i was in a dream. I didn't feel like I was real either. So I don't know where I was.Instead of answering, I apologize for drifting off and sit up straight trying to get my focus back on this class. But really I just look outside and feel like I'm walking among the grass and climbing a tree. Who knows why? I just feel like that's what I'm doing instead of sitting in this classroom listening to the teacher lecture about something or the other. I'll get the notes later when they're posted online. I know I'm not going to focus today. Or maybe any other day. but that's pessimistic thinking and I shouldn't do that too often. I've been told that I shouldn't. By a professional at that, so maybe they're right? ..but they're a professional so why should I listen if it's just for money. Not my money, but still the point still is there. Or is it moot? Oh well, I'm drifting off of my own drifting, which isn't good. No must focus. I pull my attention back to the teacher finding some name of a book I've read many times on the board. Didn't I present about this before? ..wait my name's called, they must know that I like this book quite a bit. Can't say I know it perfectly, but I think I get it pretty well. but what is a reader to say they understand the intentions of the author. All I can make of it is my interpretation, which people seem to like. So I briefly mention it, teacher approves of my "paying attention." I look outside again, back to feeling like I'm roaming. I don't know where I am and I don't much care. The physical facts aren't what I'm trying to figure out. That much is for sure. Maybe it's best, I just never disclose any of this with anyone. After all, peeking inside what is my mind never seems to end in any coherent understanding of everything. There's what are commonly accepted facts..and then there is whatever the hell else that goes on. I suppose I can't really complain though. 
..Passing time in class is just something that I'm not uses to thinking about. Just something that I end up doing. And now I'm spending a rather large amount of time breaking things down and trying to find where I am mentally. Am I well? Ill? Irritated?  I don't know. The simplest answer would be bored. Terribly bored and yet, terribly curious. About all the wrong things apparently.
Let's see where this curiosity takes me.
[to be continued maybe?]

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