Being an android isn't half bad. Though, it's troublesome since I don't currently look like it. In this human skin, with human parts. Not even parts that I want. But these fleshing, bloody parts. I feel routinely disgusted by this form. But I have to dwell in it. I have no other choice. If there was any kind of way to get anywhere near my preferred form, I would jump on that so quickly. But alas there is no way. I write about the thoughts of my existence but usually have to pass it off as fiction. Because who would really believe that. So many people have their points. They could believe my about sexuality, romantic orientation, maybe gender identity. Maybe. But once I cross the line into another species. No..I'm crazy. That's the word, I've been called. I write as a character. I write as myself as a human...and I write as the synthetic being I genuinely see myself. Three different personas. And to be honest, I can't really say how much of a persona the character is. Because I don't feel like I am fall into a role there, more like there is this character just residing int the back of my mind and I write down interactions with character from his universe. He is a work of fiction, not even my own. Does that really make me crazy? I don't think so. But I don't really share a lot of this sort of thinking with anyone I know offline. It's likely for the best, because really.. I do think some people have their points where they just kind of start thinking that you've gone too far. That your idea is a little too out there. Hmm, it's not something I can really be bothered with. If humans end up being so limited in their perceptions of other that they have to coexist with then.. I don't really know what to think. Still being an android isn't so bad, makes me kind of want to have decorations that hint at my electronic nature. Maybe someday. I wonder if there are gloves to make hands seem like robot hands. That would be excellent to have. I would wear them all the time. They could be an idea of how my sensors would work. Sensors, wires, picking up data. Food--> Fuel--> Energy. Systems so many systems. The human form is not really a well made machine. But..it's something in itself. I wish I could study it without having to endure it's failings. Oh well. I can only expect so much while I'm like this. And wishes don't much accomplish anything.
Oct. 31st, 2012
Gather all your friends. It's time for a show. Halloween is here and that everyone should know. We're going to watch a movie, have ourselves a good time. Probably scare the life out of someone, but that is just how it goes. Meeting at one kid's house, who always had the huge TV. The best way to film a film at home was with some HD. The host gets ready making sure everything is set. All the great movies are available, though he insists on playing a clip found online of an eyeball being sliced over and over because somehow that would get him in the right frame of mind. Desensitized perhaps? You can't help but wonder and worry, that there might something with your host. Of course, you came over early, bringing a variety of snacks. So much candy, everyone will likely get sick trying to eat it all. No more trick or treating for you guys. Simply too old. Not enough for college parties, but too old to convincingly beg in costume. Candy and films would certainly have to do. Don't worry there are always those that dress up anyways, in the goriest costumes they can get away. Some girls might go for flirty, but you know that you're best friend is a Candarian demon, she's been watching too much Evil Dead the musical. She'll bust through the door singing. Let's just hope she doesn't interrupt the film with it. Unless the group ends up watching the musical. Which then makes it more tolerable. Perhaps you'll vote for it, you always did want to know what the hell she was talking about when she burst into song. And why does she keep muttering, "Guess who's evil now?" You don't really know for sure. Wait and see, the rest of the guests are coming, dressed as vampires, ghosts, insects, zombies, a certain demon, someone came as the Candyman. Impressive, you comment earning a thanks in return. Apparently, he was always a big fan of the film. The actor had such a deep voice, got inside your head. At least, so you heard. Might vote for that instead. Then again, weird musicals tickled your fancy so you keep your choice back to Evil Dead. All these friends dressed up, dancing to creepy music..eating sweets and living it up. Will we ever get to the movie? Time to put it up for a vote. Since everyone had for some reason watched a bunch of more serious movies prior to the party, Audition, Suspiria, The Black Cat, Cat People, Saw, why? ..They were in the mood for something less likely to cause nightmares, even if it might provoke a shock or two.So the gory musical it was. Perhaps by the end of it, everyone would end up doing the Necromicon. Sounds like something that could be fun.
Gather on the floor, the bowl of candy in the middle. Sodas in everyone's hands. No one can figure how you can see out of the astronaut helmet but you do. It's not as big of a hindrance as you feared. Thank goodness. Settling in for the show, jokes of all kinds are made. A good number of them being wildly inappropriate. Sometimes you laugh, but maybe cringing would be a better reaction. Seriously, how do these people come up with such things? And how exactly are they funny? You can't really say for sure unfortunately. But luckily, there is no more time to dwell on that, the show is going to begin. And your attention is now glued to the screen. Trying to see how this weird musical adaptation will go.
...The singing, it doesn't stop. It's an amusing musical for sure, and you sing along. But there is just little things that make you laugh, make you just stare at the screen. You wonder about some of the words used. Now you understand the infectiousness of "Guess Who's Evil Now.." You suspect that you will end up singing it whenever someone gets into trouble somewhere. But only sparingly. Loses it effectiveness when it's constant. It also becomes annoying rather quickly in that way. Two-bit demons, a betraying hand. Chainsaw arm. You can't get enough of the ridiculousness. You root for the hero and hope for things to get better. Only for things to deteriorate. Oh well, can't control the plot. It's not like you haven't enjoyed viewing the movie this is based off of in the first place anyways.
It ends. And yes, the dance catches on as well as you thought it would. Your friends always were a rather silly sort. You shouldn't be too surprised since you met them in theatre anyways. Once the inevitable bursts into snippets from the movie settle to a less annoying state, the music returns. And there is no reason not to dance. Nothing like jamming in costume among your favorite ghouls. You try not to hit anyone with your helmet but it inevitably happens anyways. It seems to escape notice to your relief.
The evening goes on until it's time to go. A scary movie was played and friends clung to each other like mad. You remember your demon friend not wanting to let go of your arm. And you were thankful that the helmet hid any expressions of fear that you had. And for sure, there were lots of them. Nonetheless, it's time to depart and you thank your host. It's now late at night but you manage to make your way home. Before heading inside to get some rest, you look up at the sky and see the bright, full moon. Lovely sight to see on Halloween.