demacrux: (Default)
[personal profile] demacrux
 Being an android isn't half bad. Though, it's troublesome since I don't currently look like it. In this human skin, with human parts. Not even parts that I want. But these fleshing, bloody parts. I feel routinely disgusted by this form. But I have to dwell in it. I have no other choice. If there was any kind of way to get anywhere near my preferred form, I would jump on that so quickly. But alas there is no way. I write about the thoughts of my existence but  usually have to pass it off as fiction. Because who would really believe that. So many people have their points. They could believe my about sexuality, romantic orientation, maybe gender identity. Maybe. But once I cross the line into another species. No..I'm crazy. That's the word, I've been called. I write as a character. I write as myself as a human...and I write as the synthetic being I genuinely see myself. Three different personas. And to be honest, I can't really say how much of a persona the character is. Because I don't feel like I am fall into a role there, more like there is this character just residing int the back of my mind and I write down interactions with character from his universe. He is a work of fiction, not even my own. Does that really make me crazy? I don't think so. But I don't really share a lot of this sort of thinking with anyone I know offline. It's likely for the best, because really.. I do think some people have their points where they just kind of start thinking that you've gone too far. That your idea is a little too out there.  Hmm, it's not something I can really be bothered with. If humans end up being so limited in their perceptions of other that they have to coexist with then.. I don't really know what to think. Still being an android isn't so bad, makes me kind of want to have decorations that hint at my electronic nature. Maybe someday. I wonder if there are gloves to make hands seem like robot hands. That would be excellent to have. I would wear them all the time. They could be an idea of how my sensors would work. Sensors, wires, picking up data. Food--> Fuel--> Energy. Systems so many systems. The human form is not really a well made machine. But..it's something in itself. I wish I could study it without having to endure it's failings. Oh well. I can only expect so much while I'm like this. And wishes don't much accomplish anything.

November 2014

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