The name

Nov. 17th, 2014 09:53 pm
demacrux: (Default)
[personal profile] demacrux
 The name I tell you is both correct and not.
It's right because I go by it. It's wrong because it's not the name I call myself. Not always.
Not often even.
I am a person of many aliases.
I say this jokingly but I mean every word of it. 
The person you see and 'know' is only a hint at, an edited version of myself.
Guess that could be true of many people actually.
Nonetheless, the disconnect between how I read myself and how others read me grows by the day.
And to think that I allow it.
I allow it because it might be safer.
Because I can't consider most close enough to be worth the explanations.
I allow it  as any chance
Any chance of me making something of myself in this world relies on people
Reading me wrong.
And even then, what they make of me comes with limitations.
I can't say it's a very dramatic tale.
It's quiet, not a whole lot of outward tension or any at all.
Just a person with a personal view 
Much different than that which they share with certain individuals.
And even then the version is varied.
No one really gets the same me. The complete version.
Maybe similar editions though. 
These are just the facts of the life I've been living.
And probably will continue to do.
There's broadening my horizons
and sharing what may not be meant to be shared.
I fear, I do fear though
That one day that the person you meet will
Be so far removed from my actual self
The disassociation will get to me. 
And then what will come of that?
I just don't know.

November 2014

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