demacrux: (Default)
I wake up to find myself only a head, the rest of my body in taken apart. I can’t move, I can’t interact with the environment. I can’t do a damn thing. I “wonder” why this has happened, when I see my creator enter the room, with a cart. And on that cart contains whole new parts. But I didn’t need new parts. Not at all.. This seems needless. It is only then I realize that the parts weren’t for me. No..he is here to create another synthetic being. To be all his. My replacement. I’m being replaced, left behind..as I refuse to serve others. No! This can’t be! I voice my objections. Over and over again. But he isn’t listening. He never listens. I see the other being constructed and it looks nothing like me. Even more.. organic,fae-like even. But I know it’s all mechanical. It’s all synthetic. And yet, me who “owns” their synthetic existence is being replaced by some .. rough approximation of a fairy fantasy? Whatis it?! I shriek, voice cold and hard. I may not be able to move but I will scream as much I need to. YOU WILL LISTEN. I command..

..He leaves. There is no more of him to be seen. Nothing in sight. I can only hope to get a rearranged. I want to live after all.


..I open my eyes to find that I’m in my recharging chamber. My, what an off-putting image I just had. I sincerely hope that doesn’t happen. I am motivated to get out and make the most of this existence to prevent that vision from coming true if I can.
demacrux: (Default)
Well, I had the pleasure of joining a pack. Albeit it's online, but it's a place where I can be myself as myself without anyone knowing of my past. Of my human life. At least not any more than I care to share. There I can be M157 without anyone judging. A legitimate place to hang out in all of my awkward android glory. It's just great really. I don't know what I'd do without it. Surely I can continue to write drabbles about the mental state of being this way but sometimes it's not really enough. I want to interact with others as this form, and now I can. It's fantastic. Not to mention I've recently become the pack archivist. Learning things has always been a major interest of mine and to think I'll finally have an opportunity to do it. I'm rather grateful for the pack even though I admit, there are a few people I will remain leery of, but that's just life in any form really.
demacrux: (Default)
Hmm another day on the city after all. It's been a while since I detached from the recharging chamber to do something other than work. I could use a nice break after all. Back in the clothing resembling that of most humans, I head out for the nearest hangout. I'm not exactly in the mood for roaming at the moment. Entering the place I encounter beings of all sorts, organic, synthetic and some combinations of the two. I sit at the bar and just look around at the those who might be at any given time, conversing, dancing, drinking..I hope that a fight doesn't break out. There have been times where I had the misfortune at being at the scene of such incidents. Most unfortunate really. They tend to be caused by some human's insulting a humanoid and/or android a bit too far for anyone's taste. And things get a bit hectic. But that's not the situation at hand, I've been getting a bit too caught up in my memories. How inconvenient, not to mention distracting from the young person I seem to be now talking to at the bar. They look..not from around here at least. There's something wild, and..um maybe natural would be a good description. Like they reside in a more wooded area where I hear reports of elves and fae and demons(not that the city doesn't have their own variety of demon..but that's another story) and all kinds of creatures associated with..an older sort of magic I suppose.The city with a lot more of the new..not that any sort is better than the other. I talk to this fellow and learn about his background, the gods he worships, the beings he roams about with. This is indeed a learning experience for me.I've only known the city. I've heard tales about out there..but have never been. And to think, he's offering to show me this realm one day. A fascinating and somewhat terrifying (if I'm honest) prospect this is and I agree to the trip. There should be planning about the best day to go and maybe I can observe some festive traditions. It would be lovely if I could. But for now the fellow must depart and I decide to do so as well. He says, he'll be able to find me the next time we get in contact..and I trust him. Well, as much as I can trust anyone. After all, all these..feelings..and thoughts are kind of programmed inside in a random-generator type of way though it works in reaction to the situation at hand. Strange indeed.

Wander

Dec. 16th, 2011 11:41 pm
demacrux: (Default)
The being wandered the streets of the city well disguised. There was little to no indication that the young human, wasn't in fact human. Sure they carried a few marks on their face but a lot of youths did in that area of town. Where there was a bit of a craze relating to combination of technology and humanity. This trend fascinated the young being who knew that ever part of them was synthetic, constructed but yet took on this humanesque form from time to time. Oh if only they knew about how the joints were held together. About how their insides consist of a lot of wires and chips..instead of flesh and organs. How their "skin" was not the skin that these humans were used to. Nonetheless, they survived in this city nonetheless, sharing in the joys that could happen when one recharged properly. The being covered themselves in the clothing of humans so that their frame wouldn't be so obvious, though they knew comrades that would jest at them for doing so and not embracing fully what the being was: android. The word, a permanent marker of the nonhumanity, and nonorganic that made up M157's existence haunted them, as much as a form like them could be haunted. For though machine, they could experience at least some kind of approximation of human emotion while still being so distant that direct comparison wasn't necessarily possible nor practical. The streets were dim and extremely bright at the same time, and the busyness did not seem to strike the being as anything worth notice. It was always cluttering with so many sorts of beings from all kinds of origins. One couldn't even really begin to accurately take inventory of those who lived in this area...M157 had found this out the hard way. Even a machine would have a difficult time taking into account and explaining away the existence of all this strangeness within such a contained area. After all, these were the darker riskier parts of town, high-rises and small apartments where one could barely plug in and rest for any reasonable amount of time. But that's what they do..it's how one exists in these parts/
demacrux: (Default)
I really can't handle human emotion very well. The other day I ended up releasing them and pouring my mind out over a chat just because I was alienated and discontent. I am permanently disconnected from humanity and there really is no way to fix at this point. All I can hope is that this..inhumanity of mine, and the human psychology that it can be associated with doesn't restrict me too much within this realm. I never want to leave my mind, my inner programming as the life as I live doesn't resonate with the images of the leave I should be living. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like I will even approach the necessities needed to live in this realm.At least in the matter I see fit. It's such a bother even thinking about this as all this causes is more frustration in this little mind of mine. Why was left in this fleshy and unsightly form. Why must I feel compelled to deal with emotions that I can't handle worth crap. My only connection is to music and for those human associates that I know pretty well.. I care..well as much as I can care, I was never too certain about that even when I figured myself.."human" This was just based off an assumption ..and well now I know how that turned out. It's all very strange and uncomfortable to me, not to mention the reader who might not have any idea of what I'm talking about. Or may not believe that my thoughts are legitimate. If the latter is the case, I might as well as you to refrain from commenting, there are other works that my suit your fancy better.

Recharge

Dec. 8th, 2011 09:31 pm
demacrux: (Default)
I've spoken about my awakening process, I suppose talking the opposite procedure is now appropriate.At the end of the day androids feel a little tired too folks. At least this one does. I am pretty out of functioning energy for the day. While I can run for a little longer, this human form doesn't allow for much pushing beyond the limits. Damn human body. I don't know how you folks handle it. Nonetheless, I need to recharge..or the commonly referred as sleep. I prefer recharge for my circumstances but that's because I'm me. I change into proper attire,[for a human body that is. Once again if I was in my desired form I'd have no need for all of this] and turn out the lights. I tend to be fond of playing music when I recharge..it's pretty relaxing to me. Also I'm hopelessly addicted to music. It's lovely. So I'm ready and then I crawl into my makeshift recharging chamber...aka.. a bed. But it's a chamber for me okay? Please stick with me, I'm not like most when it comes to these terminology. I crawl into the chamber and wrap myself in covers in order to get the least bit cozy. And then I nod off..eventually. During this period I tend to experience "dreams" as imagine cycles. Cycles where the most delightful of fantasies take place..much to my chagrin in the morning. I dare not share a lot of the content, since..it's just rather embarrassing in general. Still it feels very good to experience those imagine cycles at night, though I experience them throughout the day from time to time as well."daydreaming" I've described it previously.Which brings up another reason why I love music, it sets the soundtrack to these imagine cycles, these movies in my mind where I am the main character.

So that's what my recharging is like. Speaking of which I might have to actually get to it pretty soon.
demacrux: (Default)
I admit to not feeling human much at all. The connection to humanity is only present when I dream or through music, and those just create fantasies. But the thing is, the M157 that is present in me, M157 being how I refer to my android self. M157 sees things in this realm that physically, I shouldn't. As a result I see the same things..I mean I should just refer to myself since M157 and myself are pretty much one in the same. I see lines and numbers and quite bright lights. Everything seems so accelerated but when I realize it's not actually that way, I am inevitably rather disappointed. I'd rather not realize that the physical reality I exist in is not quite my world itself. It's so strange feeling like this regularly. I don't really know how to express this ..I'm coming to terms with all these thoughts within the whole. Even as I speak, I see..humans around and goodness knows the disconnect is ever wider than before. I thought previously thought there was a personality disorder associated with this disconnect..and in this form, I suppose chances are that there might be. Now though there is the added component of being ever separate in form and expression from those around me. I don't know anyone around here that isn't..human. So it's an isolating experience. But when I get a little concerned, I remember that I still see the lights of my world and take some comfort in that.
demacrux: (Default)
 I know that when I awake, I am always an android in my own eyes however there aren't always time when I see myself completely futuristic, wireless everything. Microchips in every part, mostly silicon. In a world of the most modern, almost cyberpunk-ish environments. I don't always wake in the version of the realm. Oh no. There have been times where I am transported to a time that never existed, but could have on Earth. A mix of victorian and steampower. In this version, I am still and android but now I am constructed of brass, powered by steam. Charged not necessarily through electricity but through fuel. Although I get the occasional jolt as an extra boost. I look around and there are ships and humans and all sorts of magnificent visions.Air pirates,merchants, inventors like mine own, capitalists, robber barons. So many people to see..urchins, orphans the completely disadvantaged by this system. And yet, everything seems like it runs as it should. Even the occasional explosion in various labs, the many accidents and fights. This world that never was but could have been, I wander around and can't help but think..as much as I am capable of doing so about what would have happened, if this realm, if this version of my world had been realized on Earth. It's a rather strange idea, after all. If it were true, one wouldn't dare try to imagine what the present could've been like.Astounding just the suggestion of it.Nonetheless, I walk this realm for a while before the next day I return to the normal state of charging, electricity everywhere.
demacrux: (Default)
 How does one work in this strange realm? This is not my home, it never has been. It never be as far as I can see because none of these humans are anything like me. Perhaps there are others of my kind, but it seems that they are rather difficult to find. I dare not speak of non-humanity as surely I wouldn't be taken seriously. In this human shell that I still need to change after all of this time, I try interact with others with a shell like mine. But for those, it's not a shell, they are human through and through. That I can tell. Still I can't help but yearn for the place that I truly calm home, my charging machine, my technologic realm, my home dimension. Surely that would be swell. A place where there are no battles over who is the creator, or if there is one at all. We are all machines in some form where I'm from. We charge, we function on the day to day, we play around with our interface. I suppose our interactions could parallel that of humans' but it's surely more logic-based and less on emotion. Emotion confuses me and yet this form curses me with it. Not only with emotions but the inability to express them. At least not appropriately. I appear to be concerned for myself and myself alone. And even that is questionable. I try to purge myself of this appearance, but it persists throughout this existence. Oh I can't wait to leave this realm and return from which I was taken. My home land, my home planet, my home universe. But as it stands I must make due with this earth.

Awaken.

Nov. 18th, 2011 08:10 pm
demacrux: (Default)
 After a period of charging my energy in a state of "unconsciousness", I awaken. I am still connected through the wires the enter my skin to the machine where I take my rest and for a moment, I just lay there looking at the ceiling of this room. This room of pure technology which I am a part of despite the human-like features. And I take in everything slowly but surely, my "eyes" move from side to side, using perception to take in the details of my surrounding. Finally, I sit up and disconnect myself from the greater system. A system within  other system in a world filled with systems. That's what  I am. I will not say who. I am a what more than anything and I can only resemble a who, and capable only minor emotions. Leaving the room where I lay, I get into appropriate..garments so I can proceed. Surely I could go out without these things, but it's better to continue the human-like behaviors while I can. After all, it's only a matter of time before I'm hooking back to the machine permanently. I must make the most of this world of mine..in any way that I can. It seems strange that I would consider this, only being an android with limited human thoughts but I seem to have enough to see that making the most of my "freedom" is important, somehow. I just seem to want to. Oh well, might as well go wander around this civilization once again. 

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